Ain't Heavy, My Brother.
A workshop dedicated to honouring men's grief.
Nsamu Moonga, a licensed arts therapist with the Health Professions Council of South Africa, who identifies himself as “an attentive listener and eclectic practitioner, who uses creative arts to help people make sense of their struggles,” and I had a fascinating talk back in July 2023.
We discussed “Learning from the Artistic Expression of African Cultures” in this episode, which was filmed in his therapeutic place in Boksburg, East of Johannesburg. Similar to the matriarchal culture of the San people, he shared an intriguing perspective on creating compassionate communities through "gathering, storytelling, and dancing in circles." These gatherings change our awareness from an introspective and self-conscious idea of "who I am" to a more community-oriented experience of "who we are."
You might be asking yourself, what does this have to do with grieving? According to reports, males often find it difficult to deal with complex emotions like grief. As a result, many of them isolate themselves or engage in unhealthy behaviors as a coping mechanism. Nonetheless, according to Tom Golden's research on masculine grieving, which he discusses in his book “Swallowed By A Snake, The Masculine Side of Grieving”
“The masculine side of healing tends to be quieter and less visible, less connected with the past and more with the future, [and] less connected with passivity and more aligned with action”.
It emphasizes the necessity of treating men's bereavement in a way that respects their grieving process, which may not be as traditional as society thinks. Grief is commonly linked to the death of a loved one or family member, but it may also result from losing something important in our lives, such as a favourite pet, or a job where we must adjust to our "new" identities and deal with the shame of no longer having the status or money we formerly enjoyed.
Given that males thrive and live better in communities with other guys who have experienced similar things as we have, joining forces and developing rituals to honour ourselves and our loved ones may be the necessary healing to preserve those wonderful times and memories.
For more information about our workshop coming up on 24 February 2024 reach us at rituals4men@gmail.com
Looking forward to gathering, sharing stories and dancing our way to joy and healing.
Listen to one of our best episodes on Overcoming Grief and Loss with Tichaona Chitsende.